We passed!

We are approved for adoption! She said we were the most fun couple she has interviewed in a long time and that she can not wait to come back when there is a baby in our arms. That melted my heart! A crying baby in our house, what a new concept that is for my head to wrap around. The average wait time is three to six months. Six months for a crying baby my heart can't wait!
We told her about Cole and Cate. She will put their names in the report so that birth mom knows her child and her will have angels looking over them. Another concept which I loved! We laughed at Murphy when he kept bringing her all his toys out of his toy box. We answered all the difficult questions she asked. We giggled when she asked us about our childhood memories. We cried when she told us that she can't wait to see us as earth parents. Earth parents, now that is a concept I really love!
Please continue to pray for us. We know that God hears all the prayers on our behalf. We feel it on a daily basis. Please pray that the birth mom will choose us to raise her baby. And please pray my so very impatient heart can be patient. I keep having dreams that it is a little boy, Grayson James. I wonder if it will be.

Homestudy today..

I am sitting here waiting for the social worker to come for our appointment. My knees are shaking, my heart is pounding, and my head is spinning! What will she ask us? Will the dogs behave? Will she think we are a good stable couple for this? What about the house? Will it pass? We bought a fire extinguisher, our smoke alarms work, the cleaning supplies are put up high, and the house is clean. All the what ifs, all the could have been, all the should have been, all the highs, all the lows...
well, she is here. The dogs are barking, James is frantic and here I go.....

Today

There is a girl who is on my Miscarriage/Infant Loss Board who is being induced as her little one at 20 weeks passed away. My heart is breaking for her. It is so vivid in my mind the night of Cate's induction. The smells of the room, the utter silence in the room as Cate was born, the alligator tears falling from J's face, the heartbreak of seeing her so little yet prefect... my heart hurts for her and her husband today. If you have a minute send angels kisses to her baby and pray for peace for Mommy and Daddy.
Today, I am missing my babies. Today, I wish I would hold Cole one more time. Today, I wish I could kiss Cate on her little tiny head. Today, I wish I could run and get them and bring them back. Today, I wish I could hear them cry. Today, my heart hurts. Today, I wish I could hide under the covers. Today, I miss my Cole and Cate.

This is worth fighting for...

This is why I wake up in the morning. This is why I am who I am. This is why I breathe everyday. This is worth fighting for.
Thanks for getting it. I would not be the same person if you were not in my life. Thanks for being the best husband this girl could ask for. I love you, JJ. I love you with every fiber in my heart.
Love always sweetheart,
Wife

Father's Day

Dear Cole and Cate,
It is Father's Day today. A day we should be celebrating with you in my belly but God took you to be with Him. So today as other Daddies celebrate with their children here with them we remember and miss you. Your daddy is one of the best men and it is an honor to be married to him. He makes me laugh, holds me when I miss you so much my heart hurts, and loves me more than I sometimes deserve. He is my hero, my best friend, and my greatest cheerleader.
When you were born Cole he said he wanted to take you golfing. Maybe there will be a golf course in heaven for you to play when God takes him home. Cate, he was thrilled to have a little girl.. Daddy's little girl. He loves his babies. We bought him a ring with your names inscribed on the inside. He wears it everyday. So babies as we celebrate Father's Day today with you on our mind. Watch over Daddy! Please know how much he loves you! I hope you know how much I love your Daddy, too!
Until we meet again sweet little ones,
Mommy
PS Your tree has lots of blooms on it. I hope you can see it from Heaven.

Race

I entered to run a 10k on September 5, 2009, our due date. I emailed girls I know who do not have their babies here in arms and are suffering with broken hearts. Each day I train (everyday but Saturday) I dedicate a training run to them. My ultimate goal is to get two angels or more for each mile of the race. If anyone knows of a Mommy who has an angel, will you comment and let me know their story? I will add all the angels names to my race bid.
My feet will run, my heart will be heavy but I will be running for angels. For mine and I hope for other Mommies.

Photos of our our beautiful Mandevilla