Sam and Murphy

I hope these two become best of friends as Sam grows up.  Oh, how I wish I could read Murphy's mind!

Forever Family

Dear Sam,
  You are forever ours as of  March 18, 2010 at 9:15 am.  It was a beautiful sunny day as we entered the courthouse knowing that you would be ours forever.  We are honored to be your parents, Sam.  You single handedly change our lives as well as those who love you.  Your Papa and Grandmama are crazy about you as is your Grandpa and Grandma.  Today, they told the social worker thank you for bringing you into our lives and how much they love you.  You fell asleep just as we went into court.  Mommy cried as the lawyer asked if I was willing and able to be your mom and if I would take care of you.  I could not ask for a better job in this lifetime than to be your Mommy.  Daddy is a very proud Daddy.  He also could not ask for a better job than to raise you and be your Daddy.
We also want to thank your birthmom, R, who gave us this fabulous opportunity.  Without her we would not have you.  She is a beautiful woman, Sam.  A woman who made me a Mommy and your Dad a Daddy.  She is unselfish and I hope one day you can meet her.  We will teach you about her when you get older.  You will know how much she loves you.  She is my hero.  I thank her daily for you.  I especially thank her today.
I also know that today Cole and Cate were there in spirit.  I know they were happy as the judge declared us as a forever family. 
May you always know how much we love you.  May you also know how loved you are by many people.  You are loved beyond words and today was the third best day of our lives.  We can't wait to see what the future holds for you and watch you grow knowing that you as of today you are ours forever.
All my our love Samuel,
Mommy and Daddy

Six months

Dear Samuel,
Yesterday, you turned six months old!  I can't believe you are half way to a year old.

Look how big you are! 

Ouchie!

The aftermath 

What difference six months makes!

8 days old.  1st Doctor's appointment after leaving the NICU.


                                                       3-08-2010 6 month appointment

Happy 6 month Birthday, Sam! It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home at 5 lbs 3 ozs and today you are 16 lbs.  We love you little man!

Walking with Isla and Rakelle

Our first walk with Isla was a blast for both Sam and me. Sam loved being outside as always and Isla makes me smile. I hope this is a weekly walk.

I love this little boy!

So missing you babies! Love, Mommy

Memorial Service for Cole and Cate 

I want to thank everyone for coming today. It means a lot to James and I!

When we were in the hospital shortly after Cate was born our nurse said, “she knew we would make it through this because she has seen the support of our families” and I know without a shadow of doubt that we are were we are because of all of you. So thank you!

Thank you for all your prayers, calls, your visits, letters and emails. Thank you for bring me frosties, flowers to brighten my hospital room, for bringing DVDs to pass the time, for painting my nails and doing my hair. For bringing James and I dinner. Thank you for cleaning our house, walking our dogs, for dropping kids with their Dad, coming down to the hospital and crawling in my bed and holding me, for bringing knitting supplies and for handing me tissues when the tears would not stop. Thank you for calling James and checking to see how he was doing. Thank you for all your hugs, support, and love through this. We are lucky to have such a great family.

When Bobby and I were talking about doing this part of the conversation was about how in heaven we chose the family we would come to and I have to say I am very glad I picked ours. I often tell James if we needed a brick moved and our family knew, everyone would show up to help. And they would bring dinner. Very lucky indeed!

A special thank you goes out to my Mom and Dad. And Mary Jane and Joe. It was you who we called in the middle of the night when things went horribly wrong. It was you who held our hands and mended our broken hearts. It was you who told us upgraded my name from Drama Queen to Warrior Princess. It was you I yelled at when the stress and reality hit me and who showed unconditional love. It was you who held my hand on the way to my D and C. Thank you!

And one more thank you to my dear husband. It is you who I want to grow old with. It is you whose words calmed my soul, who kissed my forehead and said we will make it though this because we have each other. It is you held Cole and Cate in your arms and said they were prefect. It you who held me tight when I broke down in the halls of Saint Marks, who gave wheelchair rides and turned off my light at night. It is you who I will love until God takes me to heaven. In case any of you did not know I have the best husband this girl could ask for and Cole and Cate have the best daddy! Thank you, honey!

To our little Cole and Cate. We love you! We hope you looking down from heaven and watching over us today. Do you see all these people who are here who love you and miss you? We know you are in a better place up there with God and all those who have passed on and I am sure you are being spoiled rotten. Please watch over us sweet little ones. Thank you for letting be your Mommy!

I will end with part of this poem that has great meaning to me:
Please, try not to question God,
Don't think he is unkind
Don't think He sent me to you,
And then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I'm needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you
Please don’t cry
I'm in the arms of Jesus
and He sings us lullabies.
When the balloons are released. The blue one is for Cole Henry our little boy who melted my heart the first time I held him. He had long legs that he got from his Daddy and my chin. The pink one for our little girl ,Cate, who was a fighter until the end, who was my mover and my precious baby girl. The white ones for all the angels who have left us too soon, too many to name but who have a special spot in our hearts. We honor your lives along with Cole and Cate’s. We love you Cole and Cate. May you know how much? Until we meet again sweet little one!

Thanks again for coming. We love you all very much!

one more

Picture of my little love!

March 27 and April 11, 2010 will be 1 year...

since Cole and Cate left us. I wrote this for our Share Walk in October. Tonight, I am sad to be planning their anniversaries so I thought I would post our Share Walk letter.

Dear Cole and Cate,

Today, my little ones, we are walking in remembrance of all the little babies who have left this world too soon. And today, my dear babies, I miss you more than words can convey. I cannot believe it has been six months since I held you. Six months since I kissed you hands and counted your toes. Six months since I gave birth to you and you were placed in my arms… so little and silent. In those six months, Cole and Cate, I have grown to understand why you left us. I have learned that I can handle more than I thought I could. I have learned your little lives will continue on and your story will never be forgotten. I have learned that God does hear prayers. I have learned that friends that who have also lost their little ones have been my lifelines when the hurt of a broken heart sends me to the ground. I have learned that I do have guardian angles that watch over me daily. I have learned that Sam is here because of that. I have learned that Daddy and I are one awesome team. I have learned to more appreciative and less critical. I have learned that love continues on. I have learned to live without you. In those first months I did not know how to live but today do. I have learned my heart will never be whole again but it is healing. I have learned the true meaning of having a grateful heart. I will always miss you, love you, and ache to hold you but I have learned that one day we will meet again.

I will walk today with you on my mind and forever in my heart. Today, I will tell your story to those who have not met you. Today I will release a pink balloon for you Cate and a blue one for you, Cole. Today, Daddy and I will walk with all the other Mommies and Daddies who are missing their babies so please help us all to be courageous.

Above all know how much we love you! Kisses and loves my little ones! Thanks for continuing to watch over us!

Always and forever,

Mommy