I am sure this is how sees me!

There are no words for what I feel today

Dear Sam,
My heart is overflowing with gratitude for you today.  As we danced to Christmas music you fell asleep in my arms and it was delightful Mommy moment for me. One that I will remember forever.
You are getting so big, Sam.  As I rocked you and watched you sleep it amazes me how big you are and how much you have grown up since last Christmas.  It seems like yesterday I was rocking a little baby and now I am rocking a little boy. 
While you slept tears rolled down my cheeks as gratitude poured though my veins.  Gratitude that you are healthy, happy, growing and smart.  Gratitude that I am your Mommy.  Gratitude for your fat little toddler hands and your beefy thighs. Gratitude for the little boy you are becoming.

Today, and always I will always be grateful to be your Mommy. 

I love you, Son! Thanks for a very fun afternoon.

Love always,
Mommy

Adoption

Dear Sam,

At playgroup yesterday a dear friend helped me explain to her daughter you are adopted.  It took my breath away as sometimes I forget.  Since it was my first time having to explain to a child you are adopted I was falling over my words.  Luckily, a wise friend stepped in and helped me.  Her words delighted my soul. She told her daughter that your birthmom did not think she could be the best Mommy she could be so she picked the very best parents for you. I hope I can live up to that as your Mommy.

Your birthmom did and does love you, Sam.  More than you will ever know.  More than I will be able to tell you. She  gave you the world.  I just get to watch you enjoy it.  You gave you life. She made me a Mommy.  She is my hero.  I know you will be able to meet her, if you should choose. I hope you do. She is an amazing person, Sam.  Her love for you will never fail.

As your Mommy I will continue to teach you about your adoption, what it means and be better able to explain the words in my heart.  I hope I can live up to the words of my dear friend and be the best Mommy I can.  I love you with all I have!

Love always,
Mommy

Sam's Christmas Photo Shoot

He loves to have his picture taken and this time was no exception.  He smiled, posed and laughed all on cue!  It was a great time for all of us!  Here are the cute results...

Sam wanted to go school...

...in my shoes and his jammies.  And no, it was not a school day!

One day I will miss this mess

Thankful Thursday

After a long week of emotions, feelings of loss, and coming to grips.  I need to remind myself of the things I have to be oh so grateful for.

First and foremost, I am so thankful for my dear husband.   We are opposite in very many ways but together we make the most prefect pair.   James is my rock and biggest cheerleader.  I often wonder how I got so lucky to find him. I need to remind myself of how lucky I am when he is driving me up a wall!

For Sam, he is a my hero and that is no lie.  He is talking so much now and the conversations we have make me smile, giggle and cry at the same time. I just can not believe how grown up he is. I love this little person! 

Wine, how I adore you.  You are my reward after long days.

7:15 pm I adore you, too!  As this is the time my non napping exhausted toddler is asleep.  The house is quiet and the day is done.

Playdates with great friends who keep me sane.

A simple text from a friend who somehow knew I needed to hear what she said.

My gym class.  You are a great stress reliever.  I never knew how much I needed this until this week.

My camera... its photos tell a story. My story... our story... the good and the bad. The story of Cole and Cate.  It tells the story of Sam. The story of James and I.  It tells me that through the lens I can capture the feelings of what is on my heart.  It tells me of how much I have and far I have become. It defines my purpose, my logic and my gratitude.

My Mom and Dad. I mean who else could you call when the day is going to hell?  And they are the best grandparents!

My in-laws! I know there are people who can not stand their in-laws but I am not one of them.  They treat me like a daughter and for that I am grateful.

My dear friends and double dates who keep me laughing!

Sleep..which is what I should be doing now. 4:45 am will be here soon.  Yes, folks that is when our day starts!

Off to bed with a thankful heart!

Halloween admittedly is not a favorite Holiday of mine but I confess this all changed tonight.  Sam and his friend, Liam, went trick or treating for the first time and soon got the hang of what it meant! It was a joy to watch the excitement on his face when they put a piece of candy in his Elmo Easter basket.  Yes, an Elmo Easter basket.  I forgot to get him a Halloween one so we used what we had.  Makes for a good laugh! We went and saw all our friends and received more candy than we will ever eat.  It was  great night for everyone!

Super Sam!

Grandpa, Sam and Murphy

Best friends!

Love these two!

Ute Football Game

Our friends could not use two of their Ute Football tickets and offered them to us!  I do not know who was jumping up and down from excitement me or James!  After a rough start of getting out of the house we headed out.  But we arrived (barely) only to find out we had awesome seats! Excitement is now at an audible sound.
As were were watching the cheerleaders Sam did not move...he was in love.  As they exited the field he asked where the girls where.  And wanted to know where they were the whole game.  He is so his Daddy boy. 
The Utes lost but the day was a blast for us! Sam sat through three quarters and then the cold got to him and we mad a quick exit as the tears were starting to fall.  Yes,  they were from me  because we had to leave.  It was a memorable day for all three of us!  Thanks to friends who knew we would have a blast!

It was cold!

Watching the cheerleaders!

Go Utes! 

  



  

Our adoption of number two failed.

My heart broke into a million pieces when I received the call.  After four failed adoptions we decided that Sam will remain an only child.  He is a huge blessing in our lives and we give him the best life anyone could ask for!  We are blessed to have a healthy, happy, smart, adorable, tender as well as stubborn little boy who delights all he meets.  Though, the thought of not seeing him as a big brother after loving on all babies he sees and holds it is the best decision for our family.  I cleaned out all the baby clothes which were donated or given as hand me downs.  It pained me deeply until I picked up my sweet little boy from school.  As he ran to me when he saw me, tears fell down my cheeks and they feel hard.  As I was trying to gain composure he said, "it okay Mommy...it okay."  Your are very right, Sam with  you in our lives everything is okay! 

We will never forget!

September 11, 2001

Today, we did all Sam's favorite things to celebrate his birthday.  We started the day out at the jump house and ended the night playing put put!  He hit the ball so hard that it flew to the next hole.  We all were laughing including the other family on hole he hit into.  They said he has a future in golf. We all can  hope so!  James and his granddads would be so proud!

We all had  a fantastic time celebrating his day.   We will continue to celebrate all week with a family dinner with James' parents  tomorrow, cupcake making with Granmama on Thursday and friend party on Saturday!  There is doubt we love birthdays around here especially for such a special little guy named Sam. 

First Day of School

I can not believe I have almost two year old who goes to school!  There were no tears, except by me as soon as I got to the privacy of my car,  and he wanted "more" when I went to pick him up. Of course, I was there at 11:30 not 12:00 to watch him play outside with all his little friends.  He had a smile on his face as he was playing basketball and going down the slide.  I hope this continues as the school year is long.  I am at a lost to do with three hours for two days a week without my little partner in crime.  I am sure as I get use to leaving him it will be easier to fill my few hours of quiet.  I did enjoy a Starbucks  while browsing for something new to read, and shopped the clearance rack at Nordstroms.  This might be alright for both of us.  A little down time for me and learning new things for my little man!

All  ready to go!

"Bye Mommy"

Already playing!

Just an ordinary morning!

We took Sam to Build a Bear and he fell in love with the stroller..not the bears... but the stroller.  After a fight to get out we headed off to Toys R Us to purchase a stroller!  Sam loves it.   Yesterday, he wanted to take bear for a walk.  Yes, he is n a k e d.  Just another ordinary morning!

Cooking

Sam loves to cook and I love to make cupcakes, a match made in heaven!  Despite a few egg shells he did fabulous.  He put the ingredients in the mixer,  put the wrappers in the pan, helped scoop, frosted, and put sprinkles on.   He was so proud and so was I!  I look forward to making them again with him.  If you need cupcakes just let us know! 

"Here Mommy try it" 

This cupcake decorating is serious business.

"I am going to be a big brother!"

Big brother!  Our birthmom is due in November. Please keep us in your prayers!

Phrases

Sam is surprising me with all the new phrases he is saying and I don't want to forget them.
* Murphy, not a choice.
*  Mommy hold you.
* "Sam, where is Daddy?" "He golfing." 
* His little friend is Jack and when Sam is having a rough day he will tell me he needs "his Jack".
* Driving to our friends house he will ask me if I need coffee.
*  Murphy come here.
* What is going on here?
*  I did it!
*While driving I heard him talking to his cars and he said, "stop it." I am not proud of that one!
* Diaper off
* Love you
* Daddy, you start the edger or lawnmower
* It's good
* Cheers!
* I might like it
* I call Papa (usually when he is mad at me)
* I need Murphy
* I row, row (wants to go swimming)
*What's that?
* I eat it
* Where it go?

You know you are a Mommy when...

... you know of the name of the goldfish on  Sesame Street but have to Google Amy Winehouse after the news of her passing.

... dinner is the whole date not just the start of the date

... you go to dinner with another couple and see them at afterwards at Target buying the same thing....diapers of course!

... sleeping in is 7:00 am because usually you are up at 6:00.

...anything after 11 pm is going to bed late

... relaxing at home with your little family is better than a fancy night out

....dressing up means putting on something besides yoga pants

...cleaning out your truck means finding three sippy cups (gross!), a pair of socks, six toys, a half chewed granola bar, a swim bag with a swimsuit, and Cookie Monster.

...watching a Daddy taking his wailing son out of  a grocery store makes your realize we have all been there and if you have not you will be.

...watching your husband, who you have loved all along, read a story, golf, play trucks or take him out of the day makes you love him even more, which you never thought possible.  

....having a day to myself makes me a better Mommy

...hearing your son say, "love you" makes your heart melt

...even on the most difficult days it is the best job I have ever had or will have.

Today I believe...

Today I believe being a Mommy to a toddler is the best job! Exhausting at the end of the day but oh so much fun...most days! 

Today I believe watching Sam hold a baby brings tears to my eyes.

Today little guy  can melt any bad day!

Today I believe that there  having a day off makes me a better Mom.

Today I believe watching Sam run down the huge hill makes me giggle with delight.

Today I believe seeing Jen makes me realize no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other there is nothing better than great friends, long hugs, and watching our children, who we both waited for so long, play together!

Today I believe cooking with Sam makes a huge mess but cooking has never been so much fun!

Summer Nights

 

 

 

Sam's first movie-June 24,2011

I won tickets to see Cars2 and we had a blast.  I am not sure who loved the movie more James or Sam!

He loved having his own ticket!