Mother's Day Without Our Angels

Mother's Day Without Our Angels

It's Mother's Day and this day of all days is especially difficult for us...Mothers who are without our Angels.

While other mothers are receiving hugs, kisses and gifts from their children; we find ourselves with empty arms, remembering Our Angels with tear stained faces.While other mothers are having bar-b-ques, going on picnics, or going out to eat with their children; our day is spent thinking of what might have been...what would our Angel look like now, what would they be doing with their lives, would they be married, would they have children?

We are haunted by the one question that we know we will never have an answer to but still cannot refrain from asking over and over again..."Why?", "Why me?", "Why my child?" We go over and over the moment that we learned of our child's death. We can remember every detail no matter how minute. We question whether there might have been something that we might have said or done that may have saved our child's life. Still, we receive no answer.

We try not to think about the fact that it is Mother's Day but rarely do we succeed. So we just do our best to get through the day. We smile and wish others a Happy Mother's Day even though the words almost stick in our throats. Even if we have other children, the day is still more a reminder of what we have lost than of what we have.

We have wished that there were no such holiday but there it is every year, so we muddle our way through all of the "Happy Mother's Days" and try not to notice when we see other mothers surrounded by their beautiful, healthy children but our hearts are aching to hold our Angels just one more time, to give them one more kiss, to touch their cheek to smell their hair...just one more time...Please God, just one more time!

I've often wondered if these mothers realize just how fortunate they are. Do they really comprehend how much they are blessed? I want to tell them, "your children are precious gifts, don't take their lives for granted" but would they truly understand? I doubt it because these kinds of things only happen to "other people". But we understand, we know how fragile life is because we are those other people!

So here I sit, another Mother's Day without my Angels. I still long for my children. Time has dulled the pain but it cannot erase it. I will go on just as I have all of these years but part of me died along with my children and nothing and no one can ever change that.

We, Mothers without our Angels, belong to a sisterhood that, unfortunately, is growing everyday. It is not an exclusive club. It's requirements are few but the dues we pay are costlier than anyone could ever imagine. We come from all walks of life, all religions, all races. Our membership is quite diverse but we do have something in common besides the loss of a child...we are all survivors.

With the support and encouragement of each other we DO survive!

Jacquelyn M. Comeaux
Copyright 2000

I love and miss you Cate and Cole!
Love,
Mommy